Drowning, defeated, depressed. All the D words.

Life is horrible. I am going under. My husband  has been working afternoon shift since the summer. I am on my own every single evening with the kids.

Work is horrible. There aren’t enough resources to do what is required, and more is being added to our plates.I work, come home, pick up the kids, feed the kids, bathe the kids and put them to bed. Then I work again. I can’t stop – I tried, and all sorts of hell started breaking loose.

I can’t go somewhere else because my husband is looking for work, too, to get off the afternoon shift. I can’t take the risk of us both having new jobs. It’s too big of a risk.

The house is a complete disaster. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. It’s not just a little messy, there are clothes to be put away, the beds are never made. At least we keep up with the dishes and bathrooms and kitchen, but the clutter is disgusting. And I can never find anything, which makes me feel like I’ve lost my mind.

I can’t lose weight. I deprioritized it when work got busy, but now it’s just another thing that’s nagging me. It makes me feel ugly and worthless. It makes me want to do something drastic, like weight loss surgery, even though I don’t believe in that.

I am so, so drained. I feel so overwhelmed and defeated by everything. I just want to cry, all the time. I don’t know when this will end, and I don’t have anyone to help.

I know that I will get through it. I’m not dangerous to myself. I just feel so helpless.

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